What to do if your friends betrayed you, how to cope with the pain of resentment? Why is betrayal given to us? What to do if you betrayed your soul.

After reading your letter, I saw what was going on in your soul - in your own words. May grace come upon you! But do what you can yourself - pray, pray for good!

Prayer is the movement we make to get out of the swamp. This is our attempt to see our soul in the Divine light, where there is no place for the darkness that so often surrounds us. In prayer, the soul “shakes off” this darkness and says to it: “No!” When we pray, we feel like children of God, children of the Great Father, Enlightening everyone, children of the All-Bountiful Savior, in whose hands are the keys to joy and happiness. This is why we should not put up with sadness and depression.

What is the cause of depression? If we're talking about not about a medical diagnosis (when, first of all, medication is necessary), then our sadness develops from mental dissatisfaction as a result of some kind of offense - for example, betrayal.

We begin to wish for something that for some reason did not happen. And it seems to us that if we received this, our condition would improve. “I’m depressed,” says the young girl, “because my boyfriend left me. He left, he betrayed, he offended me...” We think that we have lost something, and that if it were returned to us, there would be no depression.

But you can say it differently! “Why don’t I get it back? Not what left me, but the feelings it evoked in me!” So, the young man left the girl. He hurt her deeply, he betrayed her, and now she begins to feel depressed.

How did you feel when you were together? – I’ll ask you. – You felt full, your soul was filled with happiness, your heart rejoiced, you wanted to live, to fight... Life had meaning, you looked around and rejoiced at everything around you. Your beloved evoked in you wonderful feelings and sensations. And now he has left you, and with him your wonderful inner state has left you.

And I want to offer you something - just as an idea. Would you like to try to get that feeling back? The feeling of completeness, grace, bliss, happiness and joy - what did you have before? Even if the person who caused these feelings is not with you now? Perhaps he was just a reason for the joy that always lives in you to spill out! And now this person, this “reason for joy,” is gone. But you can certainly find a new reason to feel this joy again!

Because happiness lives within us. And it was not this person who made you happy, who is a mere mortal. An ordinary person - a material body, a collection of cells and molecules - cannot make another person happy. What makes us happy? What lives inside us. And people and events are only a reason for this internal state to come out.

Try to feel this through prayer. It will help you feel happiness as it is - without the influence of external “irritants”. It gives a feeling of completeness, joy, happiness, love and meaning in life. Prayer helps us return to life. It nourishes the soul like water, the source of which is in the other world. Look at the saints and ascetics! They are beaming with happiness. Even if it is not possible to see them in person, their lives and patristic books testify to this... People came to them and saw that their faces were always joyful...

One young man who recently returned from New York told me:

– Father, how happy I am that I visited New York! I was in Manhattan - it's incredible! What a scale! How impressive all this is!

He was happy because he saw so much in New York. And someone visited Disneyland, someone visited Florida, or somewhere else - and all these trips became a reason for joy. People were filled with positive emotions - thanks to other people, beautiful buildings, shopping, delicious food, everything that, in principle, should not be condemned.

I just want to say that the joy that an ordinary person experiences when visiting Manhattan with its shops and fun nightlife, the ascetic feels without all this. And its feeling is even more intense because it lasts much longer. After all, after a wonderful trip, we board the plane and say to ourselves: “That’s it. It's time to go home." And we experience despondency because pleasant emotions leave us. And the ascetic knows how to find in his soul such a chink from which joy and happiness emerge again and again.

And for this he doesn’t have to see a skyscraper or climb the Eiffel Tower. He doesn’t need to go somewhere or travel. He is happy thanks to someone else. And we must find this other thing in ourselves - after all, it lives in us. The source of joy is in our heart, because Christ is there, and He is the Source of joy.

And we ourselves kill Christ in our soul, not allowing Him to show us all the beautiful things that He can give. And if we do not learn to revive Christ in our hearts, we will constantly suffer and never find the answer. And we will live in constant anticipation of new travels or relationships, in the hope of becoming happier, at least for a little while.

And as long as this new thing continues, we are good. But when it ends, we start going crazy. And even when it is not over yet, we cannot feel truly good, because we are afraid of losing it, that is, a feeling of anxiety is mixed with our joy. For example, you are happy that your loved one is nearby, but at the same time you are afraid of losing him, and therefore you think:

– Yes, today we feel very good, but how long will this last? What if tomorrow he leaves me, if he betrays me? What if he gets sick and dies? What if he leaves?

This uncertainty prevents us from truly rejoicing. And when we see how happy other people are, we begin to envy them. And we think:

- I don’t have a loved one, but he does! Why?

And we begin to compare, envy, get angry, because we are afraid of losing our happiness. "Will I have it?" We reason this way because the feeling of joy that we experience at the moment is fueled from the outside. Our happiness exists only thanks to this nourishment.

That's why I say: try to find the secret of happiness in yourself. When your beloved was nearby, you said: “He looks into my eyes, and I come to life.”

So you knew the feeling of resurrection. Great! Is it possible to feel it without a loved one? When he doesn't look into your eyes? Look in the mirror and say:

- Lord, thank you! Because I am a human being. Because my soul and life are beautiful. Because I am unique and unrepeatable on this planet!

After all, there is no other person on earth like you! You are unique. Everyone is unique, we are all unique. And remembering at least this one thing, you will certainly think:

“I don’t need anyone to constantly talk about how beautiful I am and how much I mean to him.” After all, first I feel my significance, my worth, and then, if this person disappears from my life, I go crazy.

No, when you have loved ones, it's wonderful! I don't mean at all that they don't exist. And I don’t downplay the importance of the pain after the breakup that drove you to depression. But you should not depend on another person to such an extent that, having lost him, you lose your mind. Be close to your loved one, rejoice, enjoy, but remember that if you have to lose him, you always have a secret, thanks to which you will regain the joy that you experienced while being next to your loved one.

That is, at any moment you can say:

- I'm glad we're together. I am happy with you, you give me a lot, but know that I will not be lost without you. And I can cope without you. There is a button inside me, by pressing it, I revive my hope, self-esteem, love of God. And I feel good. Don't you love me anymore? Are you leaving? Have you betrayed me? Well, God loves me, and I feel good, and I pray, and hope, and think about a wonderful future. All is not lost. I can handle it.

It's hard for you to say this now because you're in so much pain. After all, when our heart is torn away from another person, it bleeds. A similar feeling occurs when a person is kicked out of work, because in this case it is not only about material damage - we lose our sense of self-worth. I get fired and I say to myself:

- That's it, I'm not worth anything anymore. I'm useless.

What do you mean, you're not worth anything? Does your worth depend on your workplace? No, you always provide value. But because you are wholeheartedly attached to your work and completely identified with it, you say:

– Work is everything to me! I am my work.

But you are not your job. And God gave you the opportunity to understand this. It’s as if he told you: “ Let me take your work away from you for a little while. So that you can finally see your other talents. You thought that you draw strength exclusively from there, but I want to show you: you underestimate yourself. And now your importance is even greater, My child!»

That’s why I’m talking about holy ascetics who have practically nothing. And if you take away what they have, they will say:

- Take it! I am not attached to this thing to such an extent that it is a source of great joy for me. Here, in my cell there is a beautiful pen with which I write. Take her!

Maybe you read about how one ascetic chased after thieves - not in order to catch them, but in order to give them what they did not have time to steal. He ran and shouted after them:

- My children, you forgot something! Take it!

And the thieves got scared and said to each other:

– This is the first time we’ve seen this! Someone else in his place would immediately call the police, but this one is running after us to give us more things! Why?

Because the ascetic knew how to be happy without these things.

I understand that this is very difficult. Therefore, I do not encourage you to cope with your depression and despondency in one or two days. It takes time - months, maybe even years.

It is necessary to learn the lessons that the Lord teaches us - through the blows dealt by life, through separations, partings. It's like peeling off a Band-Aid - first we stick it on a wound, and when it comes time to peel it off, it can be very difficult to do. After all, the patch is firmly stuck to the skin, and your actions cause severe pain. But this must be done.

Translation by Elizaveta Terentyeva

Views: 14,930

Everything was fine. But one fine day you found out that behind your back, your loved one has long been giving preference not to you! Traitor! The whole world has ceased to exist! Overnight!
What does it mean to betray and how to survive betrayal? Betrayal is a violation of fidelity, perfidy - this is how the explanatory dictionary explains the meaning of the word. You believed, but your faith was broken!

What did you believe in? That you are loved, that you are the only pure light for the object of your love, the only value, that you are needed forever, that only they want to build close relationships with you! You believed in the decency and honesty of your half. But according to your holy faith, it was the one whom you considered the ideal who went through the blade!

It is known that psychologists identify several stages of the post-betrayal period, through which the injured person necessarily goes through, such as:

• acute pain (“nothing else is needed in life, the light has faded”);
• resentment (“my pain will return to you like a boomerang”);
• humility (gradually erasing the person who betrayed you from your life);
• indifference (cooling and oblivion).

These are "standards". Now let's cross out the standards! Everything in our life is RELATIVE! All events and phenomena can be looked at from different angles - a double-edged sword.

Until today, you were a lighthouse, but the flow of life lured or brought your loved one to another bay, where another lighthouse shines. Perhaps it shines brighter and more attractively? Remember the common saying: you can’t order your heart. The inner world, the soul, is something that defies analysis or explanation - complete paradoxes and illogicality.

Love is a feeling, and feeling comes from nowhere and goes nowhere. And no one in all the times of human existence has been able to penetrate the incomprehensible secret of love.
So turn BETRAYAL the other way around, tell yourself: the person simply changed the trajectory of his life’s movement. And betrayal will cease to be betrayal - you will feel better. Cauterize your pain with this remedy, like brilliant green, it will burn a little and subside.

And as for resentment, in this case it’s worth feeling sorry for YOURSELF: after all, if you broadcast the words “my pain will return to you,” it will certainly return to the traitor. However, having pushed away from it, it can come back to you again! Think about yourself!

Three answers to the question “why do people betray”

Why do people betray? There are objective provisions that can lead your loved one to betrayal:

1. Lack of TRUE love

It is clear that if a person really loves, he has no need to change you for another. If a person does not love, a replacement can occur at any time. LOVING two or three people at the same time is not love!

2. Increased attention to the opposite sex

Such a person can be conditionally called “a person with a manic request,” who, naturally, carefully hides his request from others. From among the representatives of the opposite sex, he selects a “victim” based on a specific preference, for example:

• appearance trait (plump or thin, tall or short, blonde or brunette, with green eyes or blue eyes, doll-like beautiful or ugly-ugly, etc.)
• age feature (young or old, older than oneself or younger than oneself, etc.)
• character-personality trait (calm or psychopathic, cheerful or romantic-sad, decisive or meek, open or withdrawn, etc.)
• behavioral trait (flirtatious, even dissolute or highly moral, etc.)
• trait of talent (sings, draws, dances, “how does he sew!”, etc.)

A trivial example to illustrate: a middle-aged man adores flirtatious blondes with blue eyes, a doll-like appearance, much younger than him, and even if this blonde gracefully performs an oriental sexual dance..., at the sight of such an “object” he loses his head and begins to behave inappropriately. humanly, consciousness atrophies.

An opposite example: a young man “falls” for mature women with bright appearance, or an adult woman goes crazy over brown-eyed, burning brunettes with bulging biceps. There are a lot of examples of models!

Each person has his own “request”, each person likes certain types of people - this is how life brings us together with our chosen ones, but a “manic request” that goes beyond the average boundaries is a mental deviation that requires medical intervention.

3. Cowardice

Why do people betray? Perhaps it's a matter of cowardice. A coward is a priori two-faced. Such a person avoids situations that are unfavorable for him in every possible way in order not to betray his vile nature. But sooner or later the situation will develop, and the coward will be discovered.

A coward always commits meanness CONSCIOUSLY. It is the CONSCIOUSNESS of his actions that needs to be feared.

The Myth of Illusion

Remember the episode from the movie “In Love by Your Own Will”? Igor and Vera, waiting for the train, went into a cafe. The waitress, a woman of Balzac's age, approached the table.

— We had a little argument, tell me, what is happiness? - Vera asked the waitress.
She shrugged her shoulders indifferently.
“And in my opinion, happiness is being loved and loving.”
- What?
“To love the same thing,” the woman repeated irritably.
- Well, yes, but how could it be otherwise?
“She’s still young,” the waitress grinned in response to the perplexed girl.

How to survive betrayal? In the hour of betrayal by a loved one, as with any failure, find the strength to turn your attention to YOURSELF. Engage in self-criticism: what exactly was YOUR mistake? Mentally scroll back the timeline and be able to recognize when you fell into the web of ILLUSION?!

It has long been known that we perceive the world not in volume, as in 3-D cinema, but in a plane. Psychologist V. Lozovsky says: “Our perception is single-phase - we divide the world into two parts: good and bad, right and left, up and down, inside and outside. There is a part that is visible to us and there is a hidden part. You can turn an object and look at it from the other side, but you can’t see both sides at once.”

It seems that you did everything right - you loved sincerely, devotedly, sacrificially. But you got the opposite result - you were betrayed! Why is this so? Why do people betray? Because you have turned your relationship with your person and him into an illusory world, and your natural feelings have become inadequate in an illusory reality.

Illusions in general, and even more so regarding a loved one, are scary because they make you BLIND. But not only that. Illusions send you to the so-called parallel world, created by yourself.

You artificially create a person, endow him with YOUR thoughts, YOUR feelings. You WANT him to treat you with interest, to LOVE you, and you begin to model his personality according to YOUR desires, i.e. you create an illusory clone from a real person and enter into a relationship with an artificial double.
You have created an illusory image and believed in its reality - ILLUSION has become a new reality for you, in which you perceive the illusion of your beloved being one-sidedly, “flatly”.

Idealizing a real person is a mistaken and dangerous path for lovers. Moreover, the ideal is created gradually:

• first, carefully and delicately, you remove minor flaws in the nature of your loved one that were visible initially, but you assured yourself that they were unimportant;
• then you add additionally those features that are not characteristic of him at all, but you longed to see them;
• later something stunning happens - you carefully cover up everything that doesn’t satisfy you about it, i.e. you paint over reality itself and begin to draw a new image on a plastered background.

It is this ephemerality, the illusion of man, that you have finally fallen in love with.

However, everything is back to normal! The ephemeral clone burst when it revealed itself as a betrayal - it showed up in its true color! So, maybe, by creating an illusion, you BETRAYED YOURSELF?!

The feeling of love, alive, charming, is a reality. This is an indicator of how important and necessary a person is to you, how attractive he is to you. Love is not an illusion, it is an accumulation of very real emotions. After all, you feel them physically!

Illusions are YOUR imaginary pictures of how your loved one treats you. If YOUR pictures do not correspond to his ACTUAL feelings, betrayal on his part may occur. But if YOUR ideas about HIS attitude towards you correspond to HIS real feelings, this is aerobatics! You will complement each other, grow in each other, no betrayal will happen.

There is a word “empathy”, which means to absolutely feel and understand how others really feel about you. It is important, in the presence of love, not to lose empathy. Then everything will be easier: you love, but you clearly understand HOW exactly your chosen one treats you, no matter what he says about his feelings.

If you do not go off the rails of empathy, then there will be no illusion about him, and you will not suffer because you will not give your love free rein without reciprocity.
Remember one of the commandments of Moses (Exodus 20:4), which says: “You shall not make for yourself an idol.” Do not forget about it for a moment when entering into a relationship with a person. Illusory lace is a lost cause; it is fragile.

Take the person as he is. If from the very beginning you see in him those traits that do not appeal to you, do not brush them aside, do not replace them in your imagination with others, or do not attribute the status of others to some traits.

For example, the external calm of a man. Figure out what lies behind this: restraint, the endurance of an intelligent real man, or a trait called “being on your own.”

A woman's temper. Figure out what kind of temper this is: the imbalance of a hysterical woman or an emotional manifestation of caring for you when for some reason you don’t hear your woman. Everything is relative!

How hard it is to suddenly understand with a sober consciousness that you loved ONE person, and he turned out to be ANOTHER! You've already experienced it!

Away from illusions! Now you know how to protect yourself from disappointments!

How to recognize a coward? The only way

When we have to talk about cowardice in principle, we remember the heroes of M.A. Bulgakov’s novel “The Master and Margarita.” “Cowardice is undoubtedly one of the most terrible vices,” Pontius Pilate hears Yeshua’s words in a dream. “No, philosopher, I object to you: this is the most terrible vice!”

So, cowardice is the MOST TERRIBLE VICE. Why? Because cowardice is based on fear, therefore, a coward is capable of any act in order to save his own skin.
A coward is an egoist, he is dishonest, mean and cunning. To preserve himself, he is ready for any abomination, even betrayal. From time immemorial, cowardice and betrayal have been despised by people and are considered the standard of DISHONOR.

You were betrayed - that means there was a COWARD next to you all this time!

It is clear as two and two: an honest person will never do evil behind the back of someone who trusted him. If the time has come to confess and talk about new love, he will do it directly and openly.

A coward, fearing to be caught in a lie, will hide from direct conversation. A coward is a weak-spirited person who is capable of exorbitantly INSULTING and HUMILIATING and stepping over you!

Is this your person? Truly - not yours. But if you have already been betrayed, then how to survive the betrayal? At such a difficult moment, you need to do the following:

• cry (cry as much as your body requires);
• avoid deep depression (find someone who will listen to you, share your pain, even a psychological hotline);
• inspire yourself with repeated repetitions of the thought: I rejoice in the fact that the coward will no longer be able to hurt me;
• switch to active additional activities (hobbies, choir club, fitness, swimming pool, sports, etc.);
• start actively watching comedy films.

You realized that your illusion was shattered. But look at everything from the other side - you have freed yourself! You are free! And life seems to have laid a blank white sheet in front of you - write your destiny anew!

Now scroll back your timeline, find those episodes when the situation signaled to you that you love a coward.

By what signs can you distinguish a coward?

Of course, there are some external manifestations: behavioral, verbal, etc. Starting to list them point by point is not the point. For example, one researcher claims that a coward usually looks elegant, but clean people who care about their appearance may look this way.

There is also the opposite statement: a coward is afraid to stand out from the crowd, so he dresses inconspicuously. Again, it's debatable. The person probably doesn’t like bright clothes and is an introvert by nature. But he will suddenly be the first to break out of the “hateful” crowd and rush into the burning house to save the child. What kind of coward is this?

They also say that a coward is restrained in showing emotions. Not true. It is not a coward who can hold back his emotions, but a well-mannered person who knows how to behave correctly when surrounded by people. But this same person will very emotionally tell you the whole truth and part on a humane basis.

A reverse example: a woman who is positively emotional, charming, with a beautiful smile on her face - suddenly it turns out that she has been quietly cheating on you for a whole year.

Psychologists note another sign of a cowardly person: he avoids looking his interlocutor in the eyes. Not always. There are known cowards who, on the contrary, look into your eyes for a long time and intently, even soulfully, playing the role of a lover - this is their technique.

“They almost never gesture; often fiddling with some object in their hands,” we read about the signs of a coward. All this takes place, but external signs are not yet proof that your person is necessarily a coward. These signs may alert you, but we categorically do not recommend using them as tools.

The same EMPATHY will help you recognize a coward before he strikes. You can only FEEL it. What to feel? His COOL BLOOD. Composure, sometimes reaching the point of cruelty, is the only sign of a coward and a traitor. If a person is cold-blooded, he will step over you - don’t doubt it!

Your loved one “loves” you: caresses, kisses, smiles, sends appropriate glances, declares his love, admires you, showers you with compliments, says that he needs you, gives gifts, spends leisure time with you, has intimate conversations, etc. .p. But... if you feel, even from afar, cold-blooded, leave - he will betray you!

To admit directly to your face that he has cheated on you is something a cold-blooded person is never capable of, he has no need. After all, by and large, you are nothing to him. From the very beginning, such a person, consciously or unconsciously, perceives you as a temporary phenomenon.

Cold blood is a sign of a sociopath. A coward is a sociopath. If you listen to your empathy and heed its warning, then you will prevent yourself from betrayal and pain. If you ignore it, you will suffer.

If we return to the question “how does a coward manifest himself externally?”, then, of course, there is a certain manner of behavior that betrays him. This:

• is secretive, general topics of conversation disappear;
• hides his eyes, or his eyes “run around”, or, conversely, he looks straight into your eyes for too long, but “artificially” (there may be emptiness in this gaze, or there may be a depth that you cannot explain, which is akin to sadness; in any case, the gaze different from the past, in which love prevailed, but now it does not);
• avoids direct answers, gets off with some hints, half-understandable fragmentary phrases;
• twitchy reaction to phone calls or incoming messages (either he doesn’t answer at all in your presence, which never happened, or he answers, casting sidelong glances at you, as if afraid of discovery, or he leaves the house completely so that you don’t hear or see him );
• the performance is a killer example of the behavior of a coward (some people, obsessed with the fear of direct exposure, create a scenario that meets their goal called “you were the first to leave me,” i.e., they actually turn everything upside down, making you guilty; they allegedly behave meanly on purpose so that you yourself will abandon them first).

The position is cruel, misleading you in an even worse way. Perhaps the performance is almost impossible to recognize, and it is performed by very sophisticated “great traitorous artists.” But in their game they use the same behavioral manners. If something worries you, be on your guard; you will probably soon find out that your loved one is a traitor.

Pay attention to the verbal manner that exposes a coward - a potential traitor:

• be afraid of the phrase “I’d rather be bad” (this is the position of a weak-spirited person, a priori; someone who is not a coward knows how to take responsibility for his actions, no matter how hard it is to do so, he overcomes his fear);
• be afraid of explanations and apologies in electronic form (if the long-awaited word “sorry” came in a ridiculously shameful manner via SMS, email, or online, there is no trust in such a person; someone who is not a coward and sincerely seeks forgiveness asks for it only face to face ).

ONEGIN SYNDROME

There are different types of traitors. Some will be mean all their lives until she kills them herself - these are incorrigible cowards.

And there are “traitors by mistake.” They realize the disgustingness of their act, repent and strive to rehabilitate themselves, to “atone with blood” their guilt - first of all for themselves, realizing that a treacherous act corrupts their personality.

Indeed, betrayal is imbedded with an indelible mark into the fabric of personality. But how to survive betrayal, and why do people betray?

Let us turn again for color to the image of Pontius Pilate, who understood his cowardice and steadfastly endured the well-deserved punishment of immortality until he received the forgiveness of the one he betrayed - the philosopher Yeshua. Yeshua said: “Now we are always together. Where you are, there I am.” Where the traitor is, there is his “victim,” because her ghost relentlessly haunts the traitor. This is his tragedy and punishment.

Life has proven: if a person betrays you once, he will betray you a second and a third time. Overcoming cowardice in oneself is within the power of a very strong person, an “unfinished person,” so to speak. If betrayal is a mistake, then it is correctable, like any mistake.

But this doesn’t make things any easier for you, devotees. Or is it easier? If you believe in your loved one, then maybe with your faith you will save him? If you are convinced that he is a complete bastard, let him go freely - this is not your companion.

However, there is another option called “Onegin syndrome”: the traitor deeply realized what he had done, WHOM he lost as a result of his cowardice, he laments what he did, tears out his hair and COME BACK.

Decide here. The return of the person who betrayed you is an even more terrible test for you, be prepared for it. Have you forgiven? But decide firmly: will you take it back or not? In this case, no one will give any advice. The main thing is don’t make the same mistake again.

Four ways to protect yourself from betrayal

Josef Capek wrote: “Evil most often stems from moral weakness, from disregard for the good of one’s neighbor.” Betrayal is evil. Consequently, a traitor is a morally weak person and neglects his neighbor. How can you protect yourself from this type of evil? How to build some kind of barrier that will allow you to remain unharmed?

First, DISTANCE

Yes, love. Yes, the man is dear. Yes, you are ready to sacrifice for him. Love, cherish and sacrifice, but remember YOURSELF! If you allow the situation of “complete dissolution in your loved one”, sooner or later you will die.

Having dissolved, surrendered to the last drop of blood, you will cease to be yourself. And having lost your Personality, you will cease to interest a person, since everyone always prefers exclusiveness, and in love too.

Remain somewhat unattainable, let your loved one constantly be in pursuit of you: a man after a woman, and a woman after a man.

In everyone, no matter how close you are, there must always be something unknown. A loved one should constantly discover you anew, like a frigate captain discovers a hitherto unknown, tempting island. You can't get bored.

This distance will maintain your dignity.

How to build some kind of barrier that will allow you to remain unharmed?

Secondly, NON-INTRESSION

Obsession is the most disgusting way to attract attention to yourself. Clinginess is repulsive. Learn to be a diplomat in relationships. Imposing yourself on another person always humiliates you in his eyes. “Auere mediocritas” is the golden mean. Know your limits.

Third, EMPATHY

Develop your empathy. If you feel that a person is moving away from you, treating you coldly, be wary. Find out the reason for the cooling and try to come to a common denominator. And if your loved one does not agree to talk, leave, reluctantly, gritting your teeth. Leave silently, without mental scenes, they are useless. It’s not worth holding out until the last limit, when they betray you from behind your back - it will be even more painful.

Fourth, PREPAREDNESS #1

From the very beginning of a joint relationship, seriously prepare your psyche, following the principle: hope for the best, believe in the best, but be prepared for the worst. This is necessary in order to maintain calm. After all, in life there are many unexpected things. It’s like a bag of emergency supplies in case of a bombing or natural disaster: it may never be useful, but it may help out in difficult times.

THREE STEPS TO A “MATURE PERSONALITY”

You may ask: if you expect betrayal, then why connect with a person at all? But what about trust? With love, after all? No, no, that's not what we're talking about. Of course, trust and love! But... “Tempora mutantur at nos mutamur in illis” - times change, and we change with them. Anything can happen.

Let's return to the outcome: you have been BETRAYED! The first is shock and shock, and then - aching, hellish pain! But how to survive betrayal? Imagine the picture: you are a land scorched by fire, charred to the ground after a fire. And within a few days, fresh green blades of grass will emerge on the black surface, smelling of burning, and soon an emerald, quivering carpet will spread over the wound inflicted by the fire. You will come alive!

“Cuncta fluunt” - everything passes! Life will take its toll! Wish the one who betrayed you well. And there the forces that control us will judge what is due to him. It's none of your business anymore. Your job is to survive! To do this, you should adhere to three postulates:

• “I SURVIVED betrayal and did not break” - I am a STRONG PERSONALITY.
• “Not only did I not break, but I learned VALUABLE LESSONS for myself” - I am a “SPIRITUALLY MATURE” person.
• “I wish health and happiness to the one who has embarked on the path of betrayal” - through grief and suffering I CLEANSE and ELIMINATED my soul.

HOORAY! I'VE BETRAYED!

In the end, we offer you a universal cure for any pain - the often used phrase: EVERYTHING IS FOR THE BETTER! But that’s why it’s classic, because it really works.

You have been betrayed - cross out this day, dust yourself off, thank God for teaching you a colossal lesson, for DELIVING YOU FROM THE Evil One and move on with your head held high!

You survived, you are a winner! You are FREE!

The best is yet to come!

The phenomenon of betrayal: impossible to understand, difficult to forgive

Any creature comes into this world defenseless and helpless. In the first months of its existence, a baby is not able to provide for itself; it cannot support its life on its own. The baby can only trust the world around him, in the hope that it will allow him to be alive and provide him with everything he needs.
At first, the child seeks support from the closest people: mother and father. He believes them unconditionally. The baby needs not only food and water, warmth and sun. The baby needs unconditional parental love, which gives confidence that nothing bad will happen to him and that he is safe.

In the third year of life, a person’s zone of social interaction expands, new connections appear: he finds himself in the Big World. The baby establishes new contacts, acquires skills to interact with others, and learns to build relationships with other people. He tries to successfully interact with peers, older children, and adult passers-by. At the same time, the child treats everyone with trust and does not expect tricks from others.
Years go by, and the grown-up child comes into contact with the realities of a world in which deception, envy, lies, meanness, and betrayal exist. He has to master the methods by which he can clearly establish who is in front of him - a friend or an enemy. However, a person retains trust in close people. He trusts his parents, relatives, friends, loved one, life partner, colleagues, business partners. As long as he's on personal experience does not face human betrayal.

Faced with betrayal, the person is overcome by a wave of seething feelings. He feels bewildered, not understanding how a loved and dear person could act so basely. He feels anger, frustration, resentment, anger at the whole world. He can blame and reproach himself, dressing himself in the trappings of a loser. Or there is complete emptiness, when it seems that the whole world has turned its back and people are turned against you.
Betrayal and deceit have been familiar since the time of Christ, when Judas Iscariot betrayed the Lord for 30 pieces of silver. The theme of betrayal worried poets and writers. The fact of such vile deeds being committed is captured on the canvases of brilliant artists. Many films and songs have been written about love and betrayal. Read on to learn why “The Kiss of Judas” is so scary and painful for any person.

What is the essence of betrayal: unexpected pain
How does betrayal happen? The Kiss of Judas occurs in different ways. But betrayal is always unexpected, it’s like a knife in the back. After all, the essence of this deceit is the sudden collapse of a person’s trust in the aspects that are most important to him. Betrayal is committed treacherously, destroying existing faith in moments. It is impossible to predict and foresee. A person is not able to spread straw in advance where he is destined to fall.

What is the essence of betrayal? Although Jesus’ path to the resurrection and salvation of sinful humanity passed precisely through betrayal, over millennia the pain from such perpetrated treachery has been intense, turning the soul inside out. Although betrayal happens at every turn, such treachery causes great pain to a person, leaving deep wounds and permanent scars. Although lies, deceit, betrayal, and scams are quite common phenomena, it is impossible to vaccinate against betrayal, and it is impossible to get used to it even with heroic efforts of will.

What is the peculiarity of betrayal? It has a very unpleasant characteristic feature. Such a treacherous phenomenon is an extremely complicated case, which is accompanied by a sophisticated search for the truth by the victim and masochistic self-flagellation. Devoted man for a while he becomes Sherlock Holmes, trying to get to the truth of why he was deceived and abandoned. However, unlike a wise detective, most often the person places the blame for such a vile act on his own personality.
Another feature of betrayal is that the victim is instantly rewarded with clouding of reason. A betrayed person instantly loses the ability to objectively perceive what is happening, draw reasonable conclusions and see the world in real terms. Often, betrayal leads to the fact that the victim begins to fiercely hate the whole wide world, attributing to everyone around him the traits of villains and scum.
Betrayal has one more thing distinctive property. Despite the thousand-year history of apostasy, betrayal, and meanness, such phenomena have not been sufficiently studied by psychologists. Until today, there are no clear rules on how to avoid betrayal in your personal life, friendships, and business.

Is it possible to predict betrayal? No one is immune from human cunning. If in the animal world a vile creature that betrays the pack usually dies alone, then a traitor in the human community can continue to live happily ever after.
Even a wise prophet is unable to predict betrayal, since a person cannot exist without faith in those closest to him. It is difficult to predict this villainous act due to the fact that most often it is the closest people with whom you eat porridge from the same plate who betray you.

Who is most often betrayed? The victims of deceit most often become the closest people who have entrusted the secret of their inner world to the traitor. The injured person is usually a person who has dedicated her life for the comfort of her spouse. A selfless mother who devotes herself completely to raising her offspring. A faithful friend who told her friend all her worries, worries and joys. A colleague who unconditionally helps a negligent colleague. A boss who trained an inexperienced subordinate. A business partner who got back on his feet thanks to the efforts of the victim.
Love and betrayal also go hand in hand, and the more one of the spouses trusts his partner, the higher the risk that he will become a victim of deceit. In a word, as in the time of Christ, the closest and dearest tablemate becomes a traitor.

Why do people commit treason? A person is pushed onto the path of betrayal by the imperfection of the inner world - the lack of harmony and balance of feelings. The reason for betrayal is a destructive style of thinking and a pathologically deformed character. Absence moral values and wrong life priorities. Complexes, fears, anxieties, pathological ideas become the reason for committing crime.
At the same time, the reason for the betrayal is often not realized by the villain: he does not understand why he committed such a vile step. Often the act of betrayal itself occurs spontaneously, without any preliminary preparation or making insidious plans.

What excuses are given for betrayal? As a rule, people who have committed treason find a lot of arguments why they committed a grave sin. There are thousands of options for explaining deceit.
This is both a way of self-expression, and an action for the sake of one’s own prospects, and an action for the sake of the victim’s happiness. This is the use of an opportunity, a necessary step, and a decision to change your life in a radical way. Such a vile “feat” is accomplished for the sake of selfish interests, personal enrichment, career advancement, and getting a better position in the company. Betrayal occurs to satisfy one's base needs, for example: excessive lust. Cunning can be explained by the desire to increase one's own self-esteem at the expense of other people's suffering.
Such an act can be performed in the name of another person, for example: to save a seriously ill person who urgently needs an expensive operation. However, there are only a few traitors who committed treachery for the sake of good intentions.
Traitors have one thing in common: they all select compelling arguments, distinguished by lacy pretentiousness, in order to justify their act in their own eyes and not be stigmatized by society. They try with all their might to stifle the barely audible voice of their own conscience.

What happens after betrayal? Not only the victim, but also the traitor himself suffers from the perfect deceit. The injured person receives enormous psychological trauma, but it is quite possible to overcome such pain. Some drown their grievances in alcohol, others binge heartache delicacies, while others drive away frustration with intense physical activity. You can survive the pain of betrayal on your own or with the help of a psychologist. And, having experienced a negative state after betrayal, a person becomes more experienced and wiser.
But with a traitor the situation is much worse. At first, he tries to find explanations for his action, tries to raise himself in his own eyes. Unable to rationalize his act, the traitor begins to seek support from other people. However, the thought of committing a vile act does not allow him to relax and live fully. The traitor begins to look for ways to deceive himself and drown out the pangs of conscience. He tries to distance himself from the object of betrayal: he avoids his company and addresses death wishes in his direction.
As a result, the entire inner world of the traitor is filled with negative energy, which systematically kills a person who has committed evil. Of course, there are also those traitors who, over time, experience sincere repentance and change their attitude towards life.

Is there retribution for the betrayal committed? There is always retribution for the evil done. No matter how skeptic a person is, no matter how he views the laws of the universe, punishment for betrayal will certainly follow. In the earthly world the rule always works: what goes around comes around, and the return will undoubtedly follow.
What awaits the traitor? Sooner or later the traitor will reap the fruits of his crime. Moreover, the “return” force will be much greater. More often than not, he will also be betrayed and offended. The abandoned partner will experience a deterioration in commerce and a decline in business. A man who has cheated on his loving wife will have a meeting with a flighty woman who will cuckold him. A painful loneliness awaits a betrayed friend. Those who have offended their parents face a difficult old age, when there will be no one to bring a glass of water to the suffering and infirm.
The worst punishment for a traitor is the deterioration of his mental health. People who have internal conflicts often plunge into prolonged depression. They are overcome by obsessive fears. They are haunted by ideas of their own sinfulness, and suicidal thoughts come to mind. It has been established that there is a direct connection between mental disorder and health. A person who has problems of the spiritual aspect often suffers from diseases of the vegetative nervous system, has problems with the heart and respiratory system.

Who is prone to betrayal? There is no specific formula by which you can accurately identify a potential traitor. However, it is possible to point out certain traits, the presence of which creates a tendency to commit atrocities. Most often, people who are characterized by excessive pride and selfishness become traitors. Those people who consider themselves the navel of the Universe, and consider other people to be lower beings. A person with extremely low self-esteem who tries to elevate himself at the expense of others can become a traitor. Someone who craves power and glory can commit treason. Those who are dissatisfied with their lives, but are not ready to make efforts to change their own destiny, are prone to betrayal.

How do you know if a person is capable of betrayal? To protect yourself from the fact that a loved one or business partner commits betrayal, you need to be attentive and observant. Test others in small ways and pay attention to minor mistakes. Those who do not keep their word and neglect verbal agreements can commit betrayal. Those who are seduced by small gains and shift the blame onto others for their own failures. Those who do not have a powerful inner core and flutter through life from side to side.

The basic rule is that you should not tempt people with trust. In business, it is necessary to clearly set tasks and demand unconditional fulfillment of responsibilities. It is necessary to delegate authority, reward merit and punish mistakes. Follow the rule: trust, but verify.
To avoid the betrayal of a loved one, you cannot dissolve in his world. Love and respect for one’s own person, respect for one’s interests, attention to one’s needs will protect against the fact that your beloved husband will cheat and betray. A rational combination of freedom and control over children will protect relationships with descendants from the appearance of lies on their part.
To prevent betrayal, a person must be honest with himself and with others. You must be prepared to discuss all controversial issues. Do not keep silent about your dissatisfaction, but engage in an open dialogue. Do not harbor dark thoughts in your head, but express them directly and correctly.

How to survive betrayal: act for your own good
How should you behave when you become a victim of betrayal? The answer is banal. The main step is not to worry, but to calm down. Do not take decisive action right away, but give yourself time for the unrest to subside. At the first stage after betrayal, the main task is not to add too much, so as not to suffer from your hasty decisions later.

How to survive betrayal? Let's follow the steps.

Instead of an afterword
Despite the blows of fate, life continues after betrayal. We have the power to become the Master of our own destiny and create our own beautiful reality. By changing our thinking style to a positive and constructive one, discarding ideas of self-blame, eliminating thoughts of our own inferiority, overcoming fears and worries, we pave the way to a happy future.

Treacherous people pretend to be your best friends just to hang around you. However, as soon as you turn your back, they betray you by spreading lies and gossip about you. Whatever the reasons for such behavior, it is important to be able to protect yourself from them. If such a situation continues for a long time, then you should find a way to stop its influence on your life. Thus, you need to either improve relations with the traitor or throw him out of your life.

Steps

Part 1

Check and double-check the information before you take action. People have a tendency to exaggerate when they spread rumors, and you may be overreacting to something that didn't actually happen. If your fears are justified, act.

Keep gossip to a minimum on your part. Don't spread rumors in the company of strangers. You may be tempted to be helpful and start sharing gossip you've heard about your teacher or boss, but who knows who others might pass on your words to. If you cannot refrain from gossiping or complaining about someone, do so only in the company of people who do not know the person you are talking about.

• You can listen to gossip and rumors from other people, as long as you do not take part in them yourself. If you can’t stop gossiping, then at least try to listen more and talk less.

1. Build good relationship with the people who surround you. Be friendly and helpful, even with strangers. This way, if someone starts spreading gossip about you, others will be less likely to side with them.

   • Treat everyone at work with respect, not just your immediate colleagues and management. If you only care about these relationships, you may inadvertently offend the secretary, intern, or lower-ranking colleague who reminds you of this.

2. Learn to recognize the signs of hypocrisy and betrayal early on. The more time a traitor spends spreading lies about you and harming you, the more difficult it will be to repair the damage done. If you spot signs of treachery early, you can fend off attacks before they gain momentum. Please be aware of the following warning signs:

   • You hear rumors about things you didn't do or say.
   • You said something to someone personally, and now everyone knows about it.
   • People have stopped sharing information with you, assigning work tasks, or inviting you to events that they used to invite you to.
   • People start treating you coldly or unfriendly for reasons you don't understand.

3. Remember that not every annoying behavior is a sign of betrayal. Make sure you don't make mountains out of molehills when you accuse a person of being a hypocrite. Unflattering behavior, such as systematic tardiness, negligence or narcissism, is typical of thoughtless people and is not necessarily a sign of betrayal. Misdeeds such as canceling a meeting at the last minute or neglecting your phone call are also not signs of hypocrisy.

   Start keeping notes about events that happen. As soon as you begin to suspect someone of treason, get into the habit of writing down all suspicious incidents. Write down everything that happened and why you think the person wanted to hurt you on purpose. This will make it easier for you to evaluate what is happening and figure out in which case an unpleasant event is part of the general attitude towards you, and in which case it is a simple misunderstanding.

   Try to recognize a traitor. When you see signs of targeted harm, take a closer look at people's behavior to narrow down the suspects. Carefully observe the behavior of possible traitors before drawing any conclusions. Rudeness towards you may just be the result of a bad day. Here are a few behaviors to watch out for:

   • Discuss with someone you trust and ask to keep the conversation confidential.
   • If you suspect someone in particular, talk to someone who knows him but is not his friend. If there is no reliable person in your sight who fits this description, discuss it with someone who does not know him - describe the behavior of this person, not your opinion about him.

4. Don't become a hypocrite and a traitor yourself. You may be tempted to take revenge on this person with his own weapon. Don't let yourself be pulled into something like this. This will most likely make the situation worse, ruin your mood, and become even more emotionally immersed in what is happening. Moreover, it will damage your reputation even if you deal with the traitor (which is unlikely).

   Part 2

   Dealing with a traitorous friend

   1. Calm down. Sometimes people just do nasty things, but in reality it results in betrayal. Anger and irritation will not improve the situation. It is in your best interest (short and long term) to remain calm and focus on the practical side of things. There is no need to ignore the situation. Just try to do your usual activities.

      Appeal to the traitor's positive personality traits. Treating a traitor with kindness is probably the last thing you want to do, but if you calm down a little and sincerely try to understand his position, you can really improve the situation. Most passive-aggressive people, which includes traitors, think that they have to resort to sneaky and hurtful methods because they are not appreciated.

      • Invite the traitor to some event. Do something fun and distracting that will make the traitor feel good about you again.

   2. Challenge the hypocrite to a direct dialogue. Contact him personally, write a message or send an email if a face-to-face conversation is not possible. Make it clear in a polite manner that you want to discuss recent events. Make sure the conversation stays between you.

      Describe the situation honestly. Don't threaten. Talk about incidents that hurt you and how they affected you. Ask the person to confirm facts (for example, a message or letter they sent, etc.).

      Listen to your interlocutor. Chances are your friend doesn't want to be mad at you for the rest of his life. Give him the opportunity to get his point across without interrupting or getting angry. There is always the possibility that you were wrong and that the situation is much more complicated than you thought.

      Ask for forgiveness for everything you did wrong. Even if it seems to you that your friend is more to blame, look at the situation through his eyes. Apologize if you misunderstood and accidentally offended him, even if you were partially at fault.

      Forgive your friend when you feel ready. If you want to rebuild your friendship, you need to forgive each other for the mistakes you've made. Even if the relationship can no longer be repaired, forgiveness will help you move on and stop worrying about the betrayal.

      Talk about your friendship and current problems. Be frank and open. If something goes wrong, discuss it one-on-one. If one of you is upset about specific actions or repeated behavior of the other, talk about it. Let your friend know how you feel.

   3. Be prepared for change. After you have discussed your problems, you need to prepare yourself to make changes that will help restore trust between you. Perhaps you need to find new joint activities to spend more time together if your friend's usual pastime does not suit your friend. If a friend tells you that your words hurt him, remember this and try to avoid nicknames, intonations and habits that hurt him.

      • Mistakes are inevitable, especially if you are trying to break old habits. Apologize if you made a mistake; forgive your friend if he made a mistake.

   4. If your attempts fail, end the friendship. Sometimes trust cannot be restored and betrayal ends the friendship. If you've done everything in your power and it doesn't work, you need to find a way to move on.

      • By this point, you have most likely already had a conversation about friendship and betrayal. If your friend has not expressed a desire to correct the situation, simply stop communicating with him.
      • If you both have already made attempts to restore friendship, but were not successful, then calmly discuss the current situation and stop communicating.
      • Sometimes ending a friendship comes naturally. You need to invite your friend to events less and less often, and periodically do not answer his calls. Ignoring them completely may hurt the person, but gradually moving away will lead to a breakup, making the process less painful.